My room smells like vodka and shame
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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