he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
