i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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