guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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