there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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