Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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