your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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