I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
