I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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