If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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