A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
