all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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