He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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