They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
