oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
