I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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