I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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