it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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