Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
