Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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