Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize