Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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