and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
