I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
