Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
