I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
