yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I checked into jail on foursquare
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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