God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
