Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
