she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
