Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
