Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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