I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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