I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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