you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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