why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
