What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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