At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
