Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
