just come out here and I will go home with you...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
how drunk are you?
Several
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
