Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
