just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
True strength comes from lack of pants
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
