Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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