Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
