I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
