if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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