Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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