bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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