MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
