i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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