Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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