Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
