Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
