just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
