I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
