My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
