you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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