I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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