At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
