I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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