i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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