I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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