My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
